The historical push for Independence
I was an Assistant Clinical Psychologist when I first heard the term “developing independence skills” in relation to young people in care. I was in a consultation with foster carers of a 16 year old girl with a history of neglect, their social worker and our Clinical Lead.
The social worker was talking about this girl needing to move on in 18 months and needing to develop the skills to live independently.
This struck me as odd. This girl had not been cared for properly by her parents, she had experienced a number of foster plac
ements during her childhood, she had learning needs and low self-confidence. She had finally settled in her current placement and our Clinical Lead had just been speaking about building attachment relationships and creating security, and here we were discussing her moving on and becoming independent. This made no sense to me at all. Surely this child needed to be cared for.
Since this experience nearly 20 years ago, I have heard the term “fostering independence” on numerous occasions. I have watched young people, who have never felt properly cared for, being pushed to develop practical skills which they can use in adulthood, learning to cook, use a washing machine, use public transport, the list goes on. I have also watched numerous young people fail in independence only shortly after their 18th birthdays.
Independence and Survival
Many of the young people I have seen developing practical independence skills are good at them. Many have been looking after themselves for years. They know how to do the washing, the cooking, to get from place to place. These are the skills they used to survive as children when their needs weren’t being met. The problem is that when they are left to fend for themselves, their sense of se
lf-worth, their self-esteem, is so low, that they have no motivation to complete the practical tasks of independence. They don’t view themselves as worthy of care, not self-care, or care from others.
Executive Functioning Skills
For, other young people, engaging in independence skills requires a level of executive functioning skill (planning, organising, thinking ahead) that they do not possess . This part of their brains is underdeveloped as a result of the trauma that they experienced when they weren’t consistently cared for as babies and young children. Whilst they are able to engage in i
ndependence skills when they are supported by staff, once alone, they are unable to manage the planning, organisation and sequencing required to complete essential life tasks.
A move towards Nurture, Care and Building Self Worth
I understand that for many professionals the drive to develop independence comes from a fear that young people will not be ready to move on. But I believe that this only serves to create anxiety for the young person too. In my opinion, rather than encouraging independence, a practice which only serves to increase avoidant attachment patterns and self-reliance, we should be encouraging young people in care to develop the ability to ask for help. To do this, they need to develop a belief that people are reliable and don’t let you down, something that is a significant challenge for children in care who have often not only been let down by their families, but also by the care system designed to support them.
I believe that what young people in care need is passionate, nurturing, reliable carers, who will be there even when they are pushed away, rejected or hurt by them. They need social workers and education professionals who are prepared to go the extra mile for them to show that they can be relied upon to help and support. They need a chance to regress, to be children, to receive the care that they missed out on as small children, so that their foundations are strong enough for them to learn new skills. They need to be championed, praised, congratulated for small achievements so that their sense of self-worth can grow. I have worked with many professionals who have done just this over the years and have seen just how successful it can be.
The Importance of Asking for Help
As an adult with young children, who runs a house and her own business, I’m sure I would be considered to have good independence skills, but I couldn’t do any of those things if I didn’t have help and a support system around me. I ask for childcare help from my family, for help with lifts from my friends, for admin support from my VA, I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t.
It saddens me that 20 years on, I am still hearing the phrase “developing independence skills” around young people in care, and I hope that change will come, which allows us to think more about building secure relationships and connections for young people, which allow them to feel safe enough to reach out when they need to and ask for help.
If you are interested in learning more about this subject, or you would like to discuss clinical support for your staff teams, please contact us at www.oasis-psychology.co.uk or email oasispsychologyservice@gmail.com
